Reading Citadel

From a very young age I was always ready to go with the flow. There was this innate acceptance of how life would play out:  graduate from school, go to college, get married, and have children, raising a family while continuing to work professionally hard with the goal of climbing the corporate ladder and being able to retire comfortably.

When I graduated from high school, I did not have any questions considering what I wanted to study … while all my friends were discussing about their future careers … medicine, law, economics, I had the brilliant idea of ​​studying Marine Engineering … it made sense to me being a Panamanian with the importance of the Panama Canal always present. 

I obtained my Bachelor’s Degree in New Orleans where I met my husband, we married when I was 24, we had our first son when I was 27, and my second son when  I was 30. During all this time I worked constantly as a marine engineer for which I feel an incredible passion.  I was 30 and life was going as planned. I kept looking forward, ticking-off all the life to-do boxes, convinced I was on the right path…

Then I turned 35 years old and one day it hit me! I needed to reflect on my life, to take a little time to see where I was, to reconnect with myself in a profound way. The chosen path was never questioned, but how much I was enjoying my day to day was. I felt a terrible fear when I understood that the years had passed, and that when I looked back, there were immense moments of joy, but also great parts of my time being more in a constant wake up, work, housework, kids time, sleep and repeat … I realized my soul wanted to enjoy my day-to-day. I wanted to be aware of my life, to maximize every minute of it. I wanted to know if I was living my life to the fullest.

After talking to my husband for several days I decided that it was up to me to put the time and effort into creating a sense of awareness in my life. To discover and create techniques and ways of seeing my day to day, not as just another day, but as a unique day. I studied several Life Coaching courses, I read several books about mindfulness, sobriety, and self-improvement in my life and to the lives of the people I love the most. I saw with a magnifying glass the parts of my life that I wanted to change and those that made me feel more proud and I decided to keep my goal of always trying to improve as a person, not as a wife, or as a mother, but as me, as Mari. Being able to face the person I am and accepting her is my goal every day, every morning, and every moment.

After almost 5 years I feel that my life is in the now, in this moment, as I write this post, as I cook dinner every day, as I made my bed, as I earn a promotion, as I hear my husband and my sons telling me that they loved me and appreciate me.   My resolution every day is to have a full life that occurs every day.  Throughout this search for acceptance, awareness, and mindfulness, I have improved my relationship with myself, my husband, my children, my parents, and my friends. I got my certificates as a Life Coach with the mission of helping other women find their Purpose of Life and Happiness.

We all have the right at some point to stop the speed train of our lives and reflect about the past, recognize our present, and envision our goals for the future.